Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
