A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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