I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
