I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
