I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
