How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
