I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
