this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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