Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
