MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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