basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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