Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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