Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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