Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
