We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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