Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
sex in a hospital.. check
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
