You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
