The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I am midnight drunk by noon
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
