franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
