things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just found a bag of teeth...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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