I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
