ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
