is wine microwaveable?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
