you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
