I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
