I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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