I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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