My first STD was from a foam party
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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