He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
