I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
