So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
