so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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