this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize