Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize