peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
