you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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