theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
