don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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