you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
