Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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