is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
