His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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