I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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