dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
