I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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