You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just got carded by a ten year old.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
