my mouth tastes like poor choices
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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