There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
