i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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