I think im going to throw up on grandma
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
