YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
