i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize