You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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