turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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