Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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