remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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