hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
