i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
