I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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