Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
