we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My cat gives me a boner
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
