What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
