I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize