I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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