I'm laying in your front yard are you home
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Rumble strips road head = magical
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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