I wish my penis had an off switch
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
