Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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