She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
