This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
