I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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