Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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