He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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