I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
