first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
