You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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