I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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