Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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