how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
