dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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