she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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