butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
