Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize