Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
