Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
