I am puke
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize