there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
