I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
