I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
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