Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
