im drinking this country out of the recession.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
